the hardest best thing

parenting is the hardest thing i have ever done. ever. harder than making it through my teenage years. harder than college. but its also the best thing i've ever done. the hardest best thing i've ever done. today i told mike that even on the best parenting days- ya know, days with no major meltdowns, fights or injuries, days where you actually feel like you said a few things that connected with your kids- it is still so hard! as we were putting the kids to bed tonight i thought, "today was pretty uneventful--- i mean, it was full, but nothing too out of the ordinary---and i am still WORN OUT!" after a l-o-n-g drawn out bedtime, lincoln was still wanting me to lay with him. i was so tired, and so ready to have some time to shut my brain down- but i always have the nagging feeling that one day, sooner than i would like to think, he isn't going to want me to lay with him at night. so we laid- and we talked. and talked. we talked about the birthday party we went to today, our neighbors, why one of the gyms in our town has a trampoline and the other doesn't...let's just say we weren't solving world hunger. and in the midst of all that, just as i was gearing up to say, "okay, buddy, i'm going out now", this is what took place:

"mama, will you come back in tonight after i fall asleep and pray for me?"
"sure buddy- do you want me to pray now?"
"yeah, but come back in after i sleep and pray too."
"okay" ---insert prayer here----
"mama, does Jesus close his eyes when we pray?"
"ya know, i think he does."
"well how can he watch over me if his eyes are closed?"
l-o-n-g pause- "i think God is watching over us while Jesus is closing his eyes with us."
"OH...God is watching us while Jesus prays with us."
"yeah, buddy, i think that's how it works."

there are lots of parenting days where i feel like i've come up short- that this "hardest best thing" is too hard and i will be lucky if i can just coast on through. but if lincoln can grow up knowing that Jesus prays with him while God watches over him it will be worth it all.